Today I was invited to be a guest on the Rachel Ray Show. I was pretty excited to score my first legitimate TV credit (unless The Other Winfrey Show, on suburban Chicago public access TV, counts) when I realized what the segment was about: REAL girls (not comedians) discussing how they lost their virginity.

Finally! All this time I've been saving MY virginity for the day I'd get to appear on The Rachel Ray Show. Talk about killing two birds with one stone!?!? Up until this point, I've been living a lie telling people that I lost my virginity in a coffin on a late October night, to a washed up actor while on the run from a sexy vampiress with a gap between her teeth.