The last and only other time I was in Scotland was to visit my ex-insignificant other who was working at a crusty youth hostel in Edinburgh. I backpacked around a bit, stopped by Lock Ness and Stirling (where I saw the Brave Heart statue modeled after my sixth favorite* anti-semite Mel Gibson) but never quite made it to Glasgow...

Until now.

Through divine intervention, I landed a spot in the 2010 Glasgow International Comedy Festival to wow local lads and lassies with my comedy vomit. So far it's been awesome.

One of my favorite things in life (aside from avocados, Netflix and Quest Diagnostics) is getting the opportunity to travel for work (and by work, I mean comedy... so not work). The Glaswegians have really taken to my humor. For starters, I've never heard an audience laugh at an AIDS joke before I even got the punch line. Secondly, they're often so drunk that they laugh even if I mess up (I accidentally repeated a tag to a joke onstage -first time ever- because it was my 3rd show of the night and I too was slightly tipsy and the audience was so supportive, they laughed even louder when they heard it the second time... and they weren't even being ironic).

Which brings me to my next point, if alcohol consumption were a sport, Glaswegians would win the World Cup- hands down. Example: the other night I was at a comedy club when a girl in the audience fell off her chair, took two glasses down with her and landed on her face. The only other American in the room and I were shocked (thinking she may have had a stroke or possibly a seizure...I'm kind of a walking WebMD), while the rowdy audience cheered on before anyone could even measure her pulse. Turns out the girl was just really drunk and apparently Glaswegians are that accustomed to public displays of inebriation to think anything else of it.

Glasgow also has a pretty cool alt scene. Yesterday evening I ate dinner alone (a common practice for comedians even when we're not on tour) at The 13th Note, an indie music venue that doubles as a restaurant and triples as the best vegetarian haggis joint in the city. I've never been the AA junkie to nurse an O'Douls at a keg party but after chowing down the faux version of Scotland's national meat,  I now know what it feels like to be the odd ball out, gastronomically speaking.

* My top 5 favorite anti-semites, in no particular order, are Roald Dahl, Immanuel Kant,  Edgar Degas, T.S Eliot and Hilda Rochna (my rock sculpture teacher in Chile who gifted me the only slab of marble in her studio because I had tendonitis in my wrists and she had bad Jew-dar)

Click below for my post-bitter musings on Hallmark card holidays and advice to single men:

15 Love Rules for Single Men
A Funny Take on Valentine's Day